A long time coming...

For those of you who have been following my blog, you know how important my girls are to my life.  As with any mother, I would do anything to ensure their happiness and all around well-being even if that meant sacrificing everything I am or have.

Well, after much consideration (and a lot of sleepless nights), I've decided to leave my husband.  I realize what an incredible impact this decision has on all of us (as a family as well as each of us individually), but to stay would have created more turmoil and an everlasting effect on the girls.

I thought it best that we leave the home where we've been for the last 7 years and start fresh in a new place.  We've remained in the same town so there isn't any school or friend changes and we're still close to family.  However, the move was rather quick, so it's been a bit overwhelming.

Honestly, I've cried myself to sleep every night since we've left, and I can't help but feel as if every  situation that happens upon me is a test of some kind and that I'm failing miserably.  Any sense of normalcy is non-existent, and I'm lost.  I'm on a constant adrenaline roller coaster from the time I wake up at 5:30am till the time I crawl into bed at 12:30-1:00am...where I usually lay awake and wonder how I'll make it through tomorrow.  I've lost my appetite and any desire to create which are normally the two things I could turn to in times of distress.  

So where does that leave me now?  I'm not sure, but I look at my girls and I see a sense of relief in their eyes.  It's only been a bit over two weeks now, but I can see a change - albeit small - but a positive change none-the-less, and that's all that matters.  

In the meantime, I'm attempting to stay positive and trying to find my way back to that creative spirit I loved so much.  I do hope you'll be patient with me and that you find it in your heart to forgive any ranting I might have in the future.

I appreciate your time,

M.